I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Randomize
