So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Randomize
