He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I enjoy the company of your penis
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
