we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
