It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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