I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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