don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
