Walk of Shame. In a state park.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
