so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
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2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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