I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
