Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
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