I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
