My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
