You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
