i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Randomize
