remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
