I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
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I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
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Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
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