i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
