If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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