i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
