I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
