Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
