I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
