Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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