Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
