I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
