3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize