Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
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