I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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