my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
