this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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