fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I think people are normalizing furries
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