I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Randomize
