I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Two words: blizzard sex
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
