a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
my liver is dry heaving
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
