That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She told me I should be a condom model.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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