Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
