I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Randomize
