it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
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