im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
