Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
