he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Randomize
