i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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