I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
We have so much sex to catch up on
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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