Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
