ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Who put my cat in the fridge?
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