Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
He better not be in your backpack
Still dying that you shit outside
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
