Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
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