I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
