at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
