My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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