ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Randomize
