Fine. I'll sleep in my office
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
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