i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
