I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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