You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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