You're completely useless in the revolution.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
