Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
