you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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