I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
