I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
