I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Randomize
