I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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