Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation