Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT