soooo we both peed the bed last night...
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
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