at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
23 Proposal Horror Stories You Won’t Believe
You dont lie about slip and slides
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.