Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I'm at about main and main street
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Randomize
