I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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