My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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