I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
