we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
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The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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