he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
